Saturday, June 25, 2016

My roommate has moved out

My roommate left on Thursday.
He was dressed up in his tuxedo with the biggest smile on his face.
He has left lots of other times but this time something was different and we both knew it but neither of us acknowledged it.
He showed me his new apartment and his new roommate and they both seem just swell.
But it's not the same.
I see his empty room with an unmade bed and I can almost convince myself that he has just finally learned how to tidy up and is only merely learning the joys of washing his sheets.
But that's not the case, and it's not the same.
I look back at all the fun times and joys we had together but I know it will never be like that again.
Because my roommate has moved out.
I no longer have to worry about disturbing him when I come home from work at 2 in the morning.
I don't have to be scared to death by the light sensitive music box we used to hide in each other's rooms.
I no longer have to try and beat him to the shower in the morning.
I don't have to worry that my music is too loud or pounding through the walls.
I no longer have to peek around the corners to make sure he isn't trying to scare me.
I won't be able to just have late night talks with him anymore.
I won't be able to do anything with him.
No, I no longer have to do any of that.
Because my roommate has moved out, to bigger and better things that I may never know about.
And things are not the same,
and they never will be again.

Tuesday, June 16, 2015

Letters to people I work with (part 2)

People always ask me why I still work here, my answer is the people.
These are my letters to some of those people.

Dear Chloe,
sorry for mocking your hopes and dreams, the thing is I've never heard of someone majoring in Geography. Hope that goes well for you.

Dear Kiersten,
I don't see why you like me so much, but just to let you know, No we are not friends, and No I don't want a hug. Please Shush and stay in your corner.

Dear Jeffrey,
You are one strange goose, please stop punching things and swearing in Japanese.

Dear Melissa/Vanessa,
I enjoy working with you because you are so upbeat and giggly. Thanks for always being offended to make things fun and keeping each time I work with you interesting.

Dear Austin (Justin),
Hey Fattie :) thanks for messing around with all of us, it's been really fun. I wish you could just stick around at our store for longer. Saratoga doesn't seem nearly as amusing.

Dear Daycrew,
Do your freaking job!

Dear Abra,
You suck at ordering, or really doing anything. I hate you, please go back to the pit you crawled out of.

Dear Haylee,
Hey closing buddy, I think you are awesome and don't you forget it. Please remember whenever I am rude or sarcastic to you I'm messing with you. Don't take it personally. I'm glad you didn't quit, and yes we are friends.

Dear Allie,
You are amazing, I wish you worked more. No you aren't mean and while it is true that you never said that you were nice, it doesn't entirely mean that you are mean. You are awesome and one of the nicest people I know. Thanks for continuing the alphabet game. You're on the list.

Dear Kim,
I hate you with a fiery passion. How the crap can you loose a whole right glove???! you suck. GO AWAY and STOP TALKING TO ME. that is all.

Dear Mallary,
I'm sorry, but it is just too enjoyable and fun mocking you. I hope you realize that it is all fake, and I really do like you. You may have noticed by now that you are one of the few people that I do not hate at work. These letters make that very clear. It's been extremely fun messing around with you, thanks for keeping things interesting. It really sucks that you are quitting. I hope that you have fun in Japan. I hope that your life turns out the way you want it to. Good luck.

Dear Jacqlyn,
There is something wrong with you, not everyone here is your friend, and yes I do hate you, along with pretty much the whole day crew (although I will never say it to your face). Please leave me alone and don't just stand there, do something.

Dear Nick,
Go away, standing extremely close behind me does not make me move any faster. I don't see why you still work here when you hate it so much. Please get fired or quit soon.

Dear Holly,
First of all, thanks for being honest and getting deep. You showed that you really do care by telling me the truth. I know that must have been hard but I appreciate the effort it took. I'm offended by your height, and yes I will go home and tell my mom about it. You better not get transferred before I quit or else I'll threaten to quit at that time. You and Austin make closing fun.

Dear Katie,
Shut up.

If you want to read what I said about my other coworkers here it is.
letters to people i work with

Thursday, November 20, 2014

Things I wish upon my Enemies

-socks that slide down off your feet while you are wearing shoes
-black ice on your pathway so you will slip and fall
-a piece of food stuck in your teeth on a date
-shoes just slightly too small and you can notice it when you walk around
-registering for a class that has one spot remaining and having your computer freeze
-slow internet service
-watching a show with the audio being just a second too slow and not matching up
-canker sores
-taking notes that you can't read later when studying for the test
-writing a paper and having to use up a whole other paper for the last sentence and you can't change anything
-a roommate who doesn't help to do anything
-someone blowdrying their hair in the apartment next to yours at 1;30 in the morning
-being stuck behind a slow driver (possibly when going to the hospital)
-wearing socks and stepping in a puddle
-having sweat marks when you meet your crush
-constantly being tailgated
-go through a drive-thru and having you order being wrong
-writing and having your pen smear all over your hand
-coughing and not being able to really cough what you need to get out of your throat, so you just cough suffocating
-getting shot 20 times with a paintball gun
-wearing a strapless bra that secretly just wants to really be a belt
-getting a piece of corn stuck in your teeth
-stubbing their toe (multiple times)
-getting pickpocketed right before lunch
-having long legs and being on a plane with seats too close together
-lag while playing an online game
-having their computer shut-down/turn off right at the most intense part of the show they were watching
-having their favorite pen die in the middle of a sentence
-forgetting a pencil on a test day (silence, no talking.)
-going into a class and realizing they have a test they didn't study for
-the lunchroom runs out of food right when they get to the front of the line
-having someone drop an ice cube down their back


-Alec Hardison

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

how college students are like kids

these are just a few examples of how college students are like kids...at least the ones that i've noticed..

-we get excited about stupid little things
- free food is always a motivator
- you can bribe us with the mention of food
-everyone can tell when you haven't slept
- we don't eat our fruits or veggies
- we like naps
- we don't want to go to school and nobody can make us
- we occasionally have melt downs and tantrums
- we only eat a few certain foods
- we choose the easiest path
- we don't care what we're wearing
- we love playing with our toys
- we get really excited about a free doughnut
- we are very grumpy and tired a lot of the time
- we want to stay up as late as possible but we also want sleep
- we love watching tv
- we don't want to do our homework
- we don't like making choices, we just want everything
- Mac and cheese is our favorite food
- we think the opposite sex has cooties



-Alec Hardison

Wednesday, September 24, 2014

the lone wolf

I need a friend.
A friend I can trust.
One similar to me, but not too much alike that I hate them.
I need somebody.
I'm so alone.
I want a friend that will just take a walk with me around campus, at 12:45 in the morning just because I need to talk.
I want to find a friend.
I never thought that going to the same college with someone who you thought was your best friend could be so lonely.
I know you live in the building next door, but you never seemed so far away. Maybe it's because I can't get into your building (because it's a prison) or maybe it's because you never want to do anything at all.
I need to do something.
I want to find a friend that will motivate me enough to just get out of my dorm room.
Someone that actually likes me.
A friend that will remind me that there are things out in the world and people to keep living for... because right now. I don't see anything. I'm blind and I'm empty. I'm dead on the inside and all i really want to be is dead.
I want to kill myself.
Someone that will actually notice when I'm lying to them. And they will notice when something is just not quite adding up. Someone that will keep me off this ledge. Because baby, I'm afraid. I'm afraid to kill myself. I'm afraid to die.
I want someone that will care.
I want a friend that will notice when I stop talking, someone that will help me.
Because right now, I could use all the help I could get.


-Alec Hardison

Sunday, September 14, 2014

Things I've learned about college so far/advice I would give someone going to college/random tidbits of information about my college experience

-people arrive 10 minutes early to class, go in and just sit there until class starts? what is this?
-it's like a freaking social norm, you don't walk on the grass, walk on the nice straight pathways. I think they are all secretly robots.
-being on your period while you have a roommate is super awkward. I mean, you're both girls and you both get it...but it's just awkward because...yeah..
-don't cook brussel sprouts it makes your apartment smell weird.
-going to college you pretty much pack up your whole freaking life and leave.
-always wear socks if you have a bowling class-always
-freshmen 15 is actually a thing
-people expect you to go to bed really late and if you don't you're like the leper of the colony
-people that go to bed super early are banished (that's okay be that guy, get the most sleep, be the happiest)
-if you live in an all girl's apartment you should already be totally fine with your roommate just stripping down in front of you (prepare yourself, it's like gym, but worse because they are total strangers)
-when there are no adults around to make you eat your fruits and veggies...you won't, no matter how good of a goody-two-shoes you supposedly are.
-if you don't eat your fruits and veggies you'll get scurvy (the thing pirates usually get)
-german roommates are really strange
-always have a flashlight in case of power-outs
-don't panic (at the disco)
-take a shower pretty much EVERY day
-learn how to cook before going off to college-you'll starve without proper cooking skills
-if you don't know how to cook invest in a meal plan down at the cafeteria
-nobody eats on campus (like for instance walking from one class to another with a granola bar-shame on you) you either: don't eat, eat at your apartment or building, or eat at the school cafeteria.
-don't try the chicken tenders when the young inexperienced dude is the grill master
-learn about which grill dude does the best dishes (so then you know which things are safe to eat, on which days)
-don't stay up TOO late
-don't miss any of your classes (DANGER: WARNING: VERY DANGEROUS AND STUPID)
-be nice to people
-don't be shy
-buy lots and lots of toilet paper (trust me, you'll need it)
-do things early, don't wait for it to be the night before it's due to stay up and do it (also very stupid this isn't like high school you can't make up shit the night before and expect to get a good grade on it)
-if you're stressed, take a nap (it really helps, trust me: naps will be your very best friend)
-try and make your dorm room bed comfy (the best you can do is try, it will never actually happen though. It will always be un-comfy no-matter what you do.)
-don't try to multitask (that never works you idjit)
-before each class period review your notes to prepare yourself for that day in class
-if your roommate is a partier, don't wait up for them, just get to sleep (you'll thank me later)
-carry headphones around with you at all times (you'll never know when you need them)
-don't procrastinate your homework until 2 in the morning-nothing makes sense at 2 in the morning
-use the 20 minute study plan. 20 minutes of studying, 2-5 minutes of relaxing, pleasure. then get back to work.
-it's super awkward when you fall asleep in the middle of studying and your roommate walks in on you. Trust me, this has happened to me so many times, probably because I just want a nap and will take one at really any opportunity available, whether it be studying, eating, watching Netflix, thinking. FACT: If I am sitting down or laying down for more than 15 minutes without doing anything, I WILL FALL ASLEEP!!! And the sad thing is, I really enjoy sleeping and napping. But my friend thinks that I shouldn't take naps because it messes up my sleeping schedule or something like that. Well you know what Robin? SCREW YOU!! I LOVE NAPS, AND IF I WANT TO TAKE 3 IN ONE DAY, I WILL DO SO!!!
-i really don't know what that^ was, so please pardon my french.

And those are some of the things that I've learned about college so far, with only being here a month.

-Alec Hardison

Saturday, August 23, 2014

I hate trying to come up with creative titles, screw it.

I would much rather stay inside my room with the lights off in utter self-loathing than do anything else.
Some of the reasons I hate myself: or in other words: insecurities:
-how I have two cow licks  in my hair, one in the front and one in the back
-how tall I am
-my pinkies
-how my face turns red after doing nothing (yesterday I walked DOWN 1 set of stairs and it set it off)
-the freckle in the middle, between my eyes
-and how if I get angry and my skin scrunches up that little freckle mentioned above, has it's own little bubble of skin
-how white I am
-the pathetic-ness of how I can't stay outside for more than 30 minutes in direct sunlight before turning into a lobster
-my voice (it's so high and squeaky)
-my invisible eyebrows
-the stupid pimple on my face
-my weight
-my attitude
-how I have a sock and watch tan line
-oh yeah, my farmers tan
-the bump in the middle of my nose
-my inability to stretch
-the infinite amount of freckles
-how my nose is always a darker shade of red than the rest of my face
-other stuff I can't think of right now...



-Alec Hardison