I hate trying to come up with creative titles, screw it.

I would much rather stay inside my room with the lights off in utter self-loathing than do anything else.
Some of the reasons I hate myself: or in other words: insecurities:
-how I have two cow licks  in my hair, one in the front and one in the back
-how tall I am
-my pinkies
-how my face turns red after doing nothing (yesterday I walked DOWN 1 set of stairs and it set it off)
-the freckle in the middle, between my eyes
-and how if I get angry and my skin scrunches up that little freckle mentioned above, has it's own little bubble of skin
-how white I am
-the pathetic-ness of how I can't stay outside for more than 30 minutes in direct sunlight before turning into a lobster
-my voice (it's so high and squeaky)
-my invisible eyebrows
-the stupid pimple on my face
-my weight
-my attitude
-how I have a sock and watch tan line
-oh yeah, my farmers tan
-the bump in the middle of my nose
-my inability to stretch
-the infinite amount of freckles
-how my nose is always a darker shade of red than the rest of my face
-other stuff I can't think of right now...



-Alec Hardison

stress levels and thoughts

I wanna talk about how you can never find the soul mate to your socks And how you are able to be a 20 on a scale of 1-10. and how right about now I'm at least a 28.6 How I'm going to have to live with someone I don't even know for at least 3 months. I wanna talk about the playlist I made but it's only mine and how I labeled it that. I wanna write about how I'm secretly relieved about not having to talk to one of my friends ever again. How I have almost as strong connections with people I formerly used to work with them l than my best friends. How you can hate a job but love working with some of the people
How you can be so stressed about not packing yet and still lounge around the house procrastinating. How I have 30 shirts that I haven't ever worn and don't fit me anymore. I'm sick of crying, crying gives me a headache and heartache too. About how my room looks like a bomb just exploded And my head looks about the same I want to talk about the way my pinkies look and how the 7th step on the way up the stairs squeaks but not on the way down I want to talk about how friends are the best things in the world, and about how silence is slowly killing us all. I want to talk about how I really haven't said goodbye to really anybody and how I leave in less than a day. And how I'm stressed a lot about that. The difference between then and than. Ponder upon the reason that printer ink is the most expensive liquid on earth based on price per ounce. Why suicide bombers should be getting life insurance and discuss the emotional attachments we all have to certain toys or stuffed animals from our childhoods and how sometimes spelling is the hardest thing in writing. How because of spelling words we would rather reconfigure the whole sentence that it used to be in. How drug dealers still live in their mother's basement. Why girls have it harder and the expectations that people attach for no reason at all. How I'm just sitting here writing instead of finishing packing I don't know. I just want to write and talk.
I'm not really sure where I was going with this....


-Alec Hardison

A: you know who you are.

Dear A,
Thank you so much for tonight/today I'm glad that you realized and acknowledged the cues and signals I was giving off. Thank you for staying and waiting for me to get off before leaving. I'm pretty sure that carmel shake thing you made me stopped my heart at least once, but that's okay. Thank you for walking with me and just talking with me.  Thanks for being honest with me. Try not to get Jason fired.  I can't wait for you to tell me about the looks on everybody's faces when they read the letters. It's going to be awesome. Thank you for caring enough about me to stay and just talk with me. Thank you.  I'm sorry i started crying. Thank you for the hug when I started crying, and for all the rest. I really needed those. Thank you for saying 'we really should be getting home' three times but not leaving until the last possible moment. Thank you for just letting me talk. I'm really going to miss you. And I hope that you actually do make that list, then I will have exactly one thing hanging up in my dorm room.
Thanks for tonight/this morning.
Pretty much,
Thank you.
It meant a lot to me.

-Alec Hardison