I'm so freaking screwed...

I've been trying to study for this huge test
I have tomorrow
I've been studying for 6 hours
....and it's not working
I can't remember any of this stuff

I
am
going
to

F
A
I
L


SCREW THIS FREAKING TEST!!
when am I ever going to use this in the real world?

Well, uhm...hm..I have found a natural object that rotates around the axis point of that object.
now...what is the volume of that rotating object..?

the good thing is
I HAVE A FORMULA FOR THAT!!!

BRILLIANT!!

Nobody does ridiculous things like that EVER...

FREAKING SCREW THIS TEST!!!
I hate tests.

Sorry about the random rant.


-Alec Hardison

I'm Sorry

im sorry that I never talk to anyone
im sorry that I wear the wrong clothes
im sorry im depressed and depressing all the time
im sorry to have to beg for your attention
im sorry for being mean to you when all you wanted to do was give me a hug
im sorry i continued to push you away

im sorry i couldn't be there when you needed help
im sorry i ate the last piece of cake
im sorry you expected more out of me
im sorry i stopped being athletic

im sorry i let you down
im sorry i didn't live up to your standards
im sorry i don't know what to do with my life
im sorry im pessimistic all the time

im sorry i stopped doing the things that made you happy
im sorry that I don't have any music
im sorry that im not a very good writer
im sorry that im the rebellious one of the family

im sorry
im sorry
im sorry

im sorry im not good enough for you.

-Alec Hardison

my life right now in random pictures

everybody: "so Alec what do you want to do with your life?"

me:

"you are crazy!"

me: 

"where are you going to go to college?"

me: "I'm in shock! Look I've got a blanket!"

"don't you care what people think?"

me: 

"what about friends?"

me: 

"what do you expect?"
me:

"you can't just be mean to people all the time"
me:

"I don't think you are funny"

me: 

"you should really start doing something with your life"

me: 

I don't know what I'm doing with my life, so just stop asking about it.

-Alec Hardison

Elementary

Best friends in elementary school were always strange. I mean you pretty much declared them your friend.

But then you only hung out at school.

 But since you were friends you did everything together at school, like eating lunch and sitting together and playing during recess.

But sometimes even if you were dubbed as a friend of theirs you didn't want to be there friend. and then they would get all offended just because of stupid stuff like that.

So then, you would be their friend even if you didn't want to be.

You always wanted to be the person who knew everybody in your class.

My best friend that i have now is awesome and our story was unique too.

In elementary school we were friends but not really friends and then we hated each other and then eventually we because best friends in middle school because we finally realized that we liked the same things. And we have been best friends ever since.

Life seemed so complicated at that time, but it really wasn't.

-Alec Hardison

Ownership

when will we own ourselves completely? The only thing i own are my problems and and problems of others. people come to me and explain how I need to help them, and I do, I take their problems just to try and help the people that I love. And I'm not sure those are very valuable, because to me they just feel like a huge burden.

They are a heavy blue and green neon backpack filled with problems, that feel like bricks. I know that later in the semester we are supposed to come up with 1000 uses for a brick but this isn't one of them. Because these bricks are not useful nor are they creative, they are just heavy.

 I don't own my car. I don't own my life. I don't own my food. I don't own my body. I don't own my room. I don't on my music. I don't own my shirt. I don't own my friends. I don't own anything. Actually I lied. I do own a few things but not everything in my life. I own my regrets, my art, and my problems.
GREAT.

-Alec Hardison

Falling

love is like skydiving, you are completely and udderly freaked out that you are going to fail and that it will never work out and you will die I guess that's why it's called falling in love.
until
it all works out
love is sharing your chocolate

love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love love.

once you say it a bunch of times, it doesn't even sound like a word anymore..its a meaningless phrase
its just a word but it seems to be one of the things that makes the world go round.
everybody has heard it before. Almost every song has the word in it at least once. People try to express it but never seem to get it right. Because for everyone love is different.

but not me. My love life is like a Mexican Soap Opera, not because of the drama or the plot twists but because I have absolutely no idea whats going on.
because to tell you the truth, I've never been loved.
I've tried, but it has never really turned out right.
I loved someone but they never noticed me.

I think love is Bull crap.
probably because I've never truly experienced it.

-Alec Hardison

I'd like my crayons back please

I miss being a kid
I miss the joy of playing sports
I miss the time when dressing up for Halloween wasn't considered lame
I miss dressing however you wanted because nobody cared
I miss sliding down the stairs
I miss not having to make my own food
I miss wearing a superhero costume whenever you wanted
I miss RUNNING everywhere
I miss playing with stuffed animals
I miss messing around with my brother
I miss getting away with practically everything
I miss running around barefoot
I miss being energetic
I miss being creative
I miss being able to eat brownies for breakfast
I miss being able to switch from reality to imagination immediately
I miss floor hockey
I miss the power I had of pouting
I miss running through the sprinklers in summer
I miss being a flexible pretzel that could fit anywhere and still be comfortable
I miss smiling so freely
I miss laughing at stupid things with my friends
I miss not having any responsibility
I miss thinking that anything is possible
I miss when hallucinations were considered normal because we were at that age
I miss lincoln logs
I miss getting a coloring page and crayons at restaurants
I miss playing king of the slide during recess
I miss being amazed everyday
I miss playing with legos
I miss being able to color outside of the lines
I miss when school was still fun

Growing up and life decided to gang up on me and steal my childhood from me. I want it back!
Give me my FREAKING crayons back!!

-Alec Hardison

That's messed up

So, yesterday before I had to go to work and I wanted some Doritos so I got out ones that we had in the pantry.

And this is what I found inside.

What the freak!!!

That's messed up!

-Alec Hardison

The Difference

You are at a crowded  subway station, about to get on the subway car that just barely pulled up. As in most stations there are signs posted above the terminals saying 'watch out for pickpockets'. You check for your wallet and phone just to make sure they are still there. They are. Good.  You get on the car and the subway starts to move. There is a person standing right next to you, with their back towards you. You try to see their face but a hat is all that you can see. The person presses against you as the car moves along, you don't think anything of it since you've been on a subway before and this happens all the time. You pull up to the next station ready at the door to get off and be on your way. Someone shoves you from behind and you yell out a mean "Hey!!", only to hear a mumbled "Sorry" as the person with the hat slides out of the car. You go on with your day, going to work, running errands, and socializing. You decide to stop at a pizza place for lunch. You order a large cheese pizza with bacon and sausage on it. Your total comes to $6.70. You reach to grab your wallet and  feel........nothing. The people behind you in line groan as you scramble to find something to pay for the pizza. again you find NOTHING. You don't know what has happened. You are not sure whether it was a pickpocket, or plain carelessness, that cost you your money.

I'm sorry to tell you, it was a pickpocket. That lucky sap with talent just got away with $12.68, your driver's license, your school ID, and your random assortment of receipts.

that guy is just like me.
I am a Thief.
I don't deny it because it is just a natural part of me.

I am the pick pocket and all of you are my marks. Most thieves travel in groups and work together, i work alone. I see you around and on your blogs and through sleight of hand I rifle through your wallet and personal belongings.
Except there is one difference between me and him.
I only take words.

You, like everyone else I have stolen from doesn't realize it, until later. I have learned how important they are and since I have none of my own I steal yours. I am a Kleptomaniac when it comes to words and phrases. I know it's a problem...I just haven't come to find my own words yet. I never know what to say. If you met me in the real world and tried to have a conversation with me, it would fail. Because I have no words of my own. That's why I steal yours.

-Alec Hardison

Humans are Strange

People are Strange:
-when they go to a restaurant that they have been to before, they always order the same thing
-they think they are funny
-they buy stuff they don't need
-try to impress people they don't like
-they feel emotions
-some cry during movies
-dancing like idiots
-singing
-they pay to talk to someone
-controlled by pieces of paper
-run in circles
-extra fat = bad
-judging people of the same species
-talent shows
-people care, even though they say they don't
-people are grouchy if they get too little sleep
-people are grouchy if they get too much sleep
-they drive a car to get to the gym to ride an immobile bicycle
-salt water comes out of their eyes
-they eat animals
-they build pools when they live next to the beach
-they keep pets for entertainment, not food
-spend money talking on phone to people they could talk to in person
-technology is taking over their lives
-buys weights even though they could just lift heavy objects
-they work hard to get money, which makes health worse
-they spend money to get their health back so they can go to work to make more money
-the best they behave us when guests are over or they are being threatened
-they keep arguing even when they know they are wrong
-they try hard to prove somebody wrong just because they can
-they are all different and unusual
-that's what makes us human

-Alec Hardison