How are you today?
Good.
What about you?
Fine.
I'm not fine.
My best friend is in the ICU and I can't stop thinking about her.
I can't stop thinking about what would happen if she dies.
I wouldn't be myself. I wouldn't be able to cope or deal with this anymore.
Because I've been the one standing at the edge of the cliff looking down. Sometimes yearning to jump.
And she....
She's always been the person holding me back.
She's my safety rope tied around my waist just incase I start to slip.
I need her.
Please don't die and leave me here.
I know we've always joked about if one of us does die the other person was required to bring cubed funeral potatoes to the funeral. But you can't die now. I don't know how to make those yet. And if I don't live up to my word. ... I'll never forgive myself.
Buddy..
I need you.
-Alec Hardison (ME)
Saturday, June 28, 2014
Wednesday, June 25, 2014
I'm not worth it
I just want to scream to the world and everyone that tries to get to know me "I'M NOT WORTH YOUR TIME, I'M NOT A GOOD PERSON AND ALL I EVER DO IS HURT PEOPLE!! "I'm not worth your time. Don't ask about me.... I'm not worth it. ... just tell me about you...
Let's not waste our breath talking about me.... let's talk about you... because I'm not worth it...
you really shouldn't want to get to know me.
I'm a nobody...
I prefer to be invisible (than be in the spotlight)
I'm not the main character in anybody's personal movies.
I'm just an extra in the background.
I don't play a big role, I don't even have any lines to say.
I'm just here to be another splotch of color in the background most likely in a green or blue shirt to try and make it interesting.
I'm not even a side character (supporting character is what my sister thinks the correct term is).
I'm trying too hard to be the comic relief, in your story.
Yep, I'm that cheesy character that is only really around for a couple seasons until they eventually get killed off.
And that is when you realize that they weren't even a big contribution to the whole show.
I'm not a good person. Don't get confused. I'm not a good person and you really Don't want to get to know me.
Don't waste your time trying to get to know me, because I'm not worth it.
It doesn't matter where I'm going to college or what my favorite dessert is, or anything like that because it really doesn't matter....I don't matter. Please stop asking me questions.
Stop trying to get to know me.
All I ever do is hurt people. It's better to just stay away from me.
I'm not worth wasting your time on.
"I'M NOT WORTH YOUR TIME, I'M NOT A GOOD PERSON AND ALL I EVER DO IS HURT PEOPLE!!"
Just move on....
I'm not worth your time or your breath ... let's talk about you...
.. because I'm not worth it....
-Alec Hardison (ME)
Let's not waste our breath talking about me.... let's talk about you... because I'm not worth it...
you really shouldn't want to get to know me.
I'm a nobody...
I prefer to be invisible (than be in the spotlight)
I'm not the main character in anybody's personal movies.
I'm just an extra in the background.
I don't play a big role, I don't even have any lines to say.
I'm just here to be another splotch of color in the background most likely in a green or blue shirt to try and make it interesting.
I'm not even a side character (supporting character is what my sister thinks the correct term is).
I'm trying too hard to be the comic relief, in your story.
Yep, I'm that cheesy character that is only really around for a couple seasons until they eventually get killed off.
And that is when you realize that they weren't even a big contribution to the whole show.
I'm not a good person. Don't get confused. I'm not a good person and you really Don't want to get to know me.
Don't waste your time trying to get to know me, because I'm not worth it.
It doesn't matter where I'm going to college or what my favorite dessert is, or anything like that because it really doesn't matter....I don't matter. Please stop asking me questions.
Stop trying to get to know me.
All I ever do is hurt people. It's better to just stay away from me.
I'm not worth wasting your time on.
"I'M NOT WORTH YOUR TIME, I'M NOT A GOOD PERSON AND ALL I EVER DO IS HURT PEOPLE!!"
Just move on....
I'm not worth your time or your breath ... let's talk about you...
.. because I'm not worth it....
-Alec Hardison (ME)
Monday, June 16, 2014
letters to people I work with
The sad thing is....during the summer I will have spend more time with my work friends than my actual friends and family. So because of this amazing realization I decided to write some of them letters. (that they will probably never read)
Dear Jason,
I think you are one of the best managers that this store has had so far. I think you will be able to accomplish great things because you've only been with this store for a month now and you really have been making it better.
Dear all the new people that have been recently hired,
hi. My name is Megan and that is all you need to know about me. This is how it works with me, I ask the questions you answer them, stay out of my way, and actually work and we'll be able to get along (or just barely stand each other just fine).
Dear Allie,
I'm sorry I'm too sarcastic and rude most of the time. I'm glad that I work with you a lot...because I'm pretty sure (especially this last week) I wouldn't still be sane trying to work with all the new people. I really enjoy doing the whole thing with you about coming up with a different word every day I work with you to describe how you are that day. I look forward to it every time I work with you. (yes, that is one of the lamest things I could ever admit to looking forward to, a word of the day, but whatever, sue me.) Thanks for being so amusing and smart.
Dear Chandler,
Man, you really freak me out. You are so strange and annoying. No, I'm not going to say please. Just freaking get out of my way. If you won't do it that's fine I'll do it myself.
Dear Bailey,
I know most of the time you are just joking and messing around but some of the rude remarks you make really put me down. It's really annoying that you and Kayla are in a relationship (why do you have to try and make everything you do a freaking soap opera). Yes, you do have a girl's name. I really don't see why you trust me with telling me your whole life story, but whatever. I'm kind of hoping you get fired. I would say it's nothing personal but we would both know that would be a lie. (I'm so glad you were fired.)
Dear Kayla,
First off, no, your evil masterminded plan will never work, you can't make me tell you where I'm going to college. It's a secret (from you and everyone else). I would really appreciate it if you got your head out of the love life clouds at least while you are at work. You used to be the fastest sandwich maker we had (after yessi, of course). But now I don't know what happened to you. You can barely function and do your job. And just to tell you, great job on getting a 27 on the ACT. anyways, good luck with the rest of your life.
Dear Rachel,
I'm sorry you feel like you have to worry about me all the time. I'm sorry I make your life so difficult. I'm sorry. But you really don't know how much of a difference you make in my life. All the time. I love working with you.
Dear Jessica,
I really do like you and I don't hate you. You are so fun and amusing to work with and you always seem to be able to cheer me up even when I don't want to be cheered up. You are so amazing, and happy all the time. I'm sorry I make you stop singing, when really it's very good. I'm sorry you always see me in the worst of moods because I'm at work. I'm sorry about that.
Dear Aspen,
Shut up.
Dear Chelsea,
I'm glad you came back from Arizona. You are one of the few people that actually work while they are at work (which seems to be such a strange concept for some people to comprehend). And you are very good at it too. I like how you never stop talking, yes, sometimes it's really annoying but I really do like to hear about your life and everything that you do. And yes the way you describe your next tattoo does make it sound lame.
-Alec Hardison (ME)
Dear Jason,
I think you are one of the best managers that this store has had so far. I think you will be able to accomplish great things because you've only been with this store for a month now and you really have been making it better.
Dear all the new people that have been recently hired,
hi. My name is Megan and that is all you need to know about me. This is how it works with me, I ask the questions you answer them, stay out of my way, and actually work and we'll be able to get along (or just barely stand each other just fine).
Dear Allie,
I'm sorry I'm too sarcastic and rude most of the time. I'm glad that I work with you a lot...because I'm pretty sure (especially this last week) I wouldn't still be sane trying to work with all the new people. I really enjoy doing the whole thing with you about coming up with a different word every day I work with you to describe how you are that day. I look forward to it every time I work with you. (yes, that is one of the lamest things I could ever admit to looking forward to, a word of the day, but whatever, sue me.) Thanks for being so amusing and smart.
Dear Chandler,
Man, you really freak me out. You are so strange and annoying. No, I'm not going to say please. Just freaking get out of my way. If you won't do it that's fine I'll do it myself.
Dear Bailey,
I know most of the time you are just joking and messing around but some of the rude remarks you make really put me down. It's really annoying that you and Kayla are in a relationship (why do you have to try and make everything you do a freaking soap opera). Yes, you do have a girl's name. I really don't see why you trust me with telling me your whole life story, but whatever. I'm kind of hoping you get fired. I would say it's nothing personal but we would both know that would be a lie. (I'm so glad you were fired.)
Dear Kayla,
First off, no, your evil masterminded plan will never work, you can't make me tell you where I'm going to college. It's a secret (from you and everyone else). I would really appreciate it if you got your head out of the love life clouds at least while you are at work. You used to be the fastest sandwich maker we had (after yessi, of course). But now I don't know what happened to you. You can barely function and do your job. And just to tell you, great job on getting a 27 on the ACT. anyways, good luck with the rest of your life.
Dear Rachel,
I'm sorry you feel like you have to worry about me all the time. I'm sorry I make your life so difficult. I'm sorry. But you really don't know how much of a difference you make in my life. All the time. I love working with you.
Dear Jessica,
I really do like you and I don't hate you. You are so fun and amusing to work with and you always seem to be able to cheer me up even when I don't want to be cheered up. You are so amazing, and happy all the time. I'm sorry I make you stop singing, when really it's very good. I'm sorry you always see me in the worst of moods because I'm at work. I'm sorry about that.
Dear Aspen,
Shut up.
Dear Chelsea,
I'm glad you came back from Arizona. You are one of the few people that actually work while they are at work (which seems to be such a strange concept for some people to comprehend). And you are very good at it too. I like how you never stop talking, yes, sometimes it's really annoying but I really do like to hear about your life and everything that you do. And yes the way you describe your next tattoo does make it sound lame.
-Alec Hardison (ME)
Friday, June 6, 2014
A letter to the dead
Buddy, Why did you have to go and leave me here.
Alone.
I know it wasn't your choice but I'm still slightly offended.
I've always heard that the good die young and I was too young for you to die.
I'm never going to have a better friend than you ever were.
I always thought that I'd just go to college and you'd come with me, but I guess that won't be able to happen.
You were always happy, no matter what I did or didn't do.
And now you are 6 feet under the ground and I can't even seem to find the sun.
You always loved to just sit in the sun and laze around, and now most of the time I stay inside to try and stop thinking about you.
Everybody says they understand, but nobody does. You were my best friend since age 2 when I hurt you and you didn't even care. (I mean, I'm sure you did, but you didn't retaliate or show it in any way.)
You were my go-to friend when I was having a rough day, I would pick you up and we would just sit together and listen to some music or talk. But I did most of the talking. You were more of a quiet, listening type. Which is what I needed and still need.
You never complained about how I sleep too much or listen to my music too loud, because you understood.
You have always been the one there to comfort me.
You always knew what to do, in every situation that you were in.
I guess that's why my family and I joked around that you were 'the old man'.
I don't want a new friend, I want you.
It was just slightly ironic (at least I find it ironic) that you died the day before Memorial Day.
I keep expecting to see you around whenever I need you, but you aren't.
It's been almost two weeks since you died and I can't seem to get my mind off of you and how I wish you were still here.
So I guess you could call this a letter to you (the dead).
I want you back. I'm willing to bargain with what I have.
please.... . . .. .
Alone.
I know it wasn't your choice but I'm still slightly offended.
I've always heard that the good die young and I was too young for you to die.
I'm never going to have a better friend than you ever were.
I always thought that I'd just go to college and you'd come with me, but I guess that won't be able to happen.
You were always happy, no matter what I did or didn't do.
And now you are 6 feet under the ground and I can't even seem to find the sun.
You always loved to just sit in the sun and laze around, and now most of the time I stay inside to try and stop thinking about you.
Everybody says they understand, but nobody does. You were my best friend since age 2 when I hurt you and you didn't even care. (I mean, I'm sure you did, but you didn't retaliate or show it in any way.)
You were my go-to friend when I was having a rough day, I would pick you up and we would just sit together and listen to some music or talk. But I did most of the talking. You were more of a quiet, listening type. Which is what I needed and still need.
You never complained about how I sleep too much or listen to my music too loud, because you understood.
You have always been the one there to comfort me.
You always knew what to do, in every situation that you were in.
I guess that's why my family and I joked around that you were 'the old man'.
I don't want a new friend, I want you.
It was just slightly ironic (at least I find it ironic) that you died the day before Memorial Day.
I keep expecting to see you around whenever I need you, but you aren't.
It's been almost two weeks since you died and I can't seem to get my mind off of you and how I wish you were still here.
So I guess you could call this a letter to you (the dead).
I want you back. I'm willing to bargain with what I have.
please.... . . .. .
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