Je ne sais pas

These are just some of the questions that I thought of today:

Who came up with Escalators?
Can your brain actually ever be full?
What would I do in the 8 minutes after the sun exploded?
Why do most idiots think they are cool?
Why are people so mean?
What if poisonous berries aren't really poisonous, it's just that the first guy to try them was allergic to them?

If swimming is such a good exercise then why are whales still fat?
Why are people so afraid of death, when it is always inevitably going to happen, you can't stop it?
Why do when get older we turn back into babies?
Why do we like sweet things?
What is the use of the appendix?
What is the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow?
Are you a fan of delicious flavor?
Why does the sun drain all your energy?
Why do you remember things better with songs or music?
Why do people who are the most comfortable with each other feel the need to make fun of them the most?

Why is people watching so fun?
I wonder how my friends and I look to other people not in our group?
How long would I actually survive in a zombie apocalypse?
Why do cars always break down at the wrong time?
Why does the library not ever have what you want?
What happened to Blockbuster, wait, I know the answer to that: Netflix!
Why are people so self-conscious?
I saw a mockingbird in the park, what color was the mockingbird?
Have you ever fainted from talking too fast?
I wonder why are people so curious?
Why is school life long periods of boredom punctuated by brief deadlines of panic?
Does everybody make T-rex noises while they are stretching or is that just me?

I don't know what I'm mumbling about.

-Alec Hardison

Becki

I didn't get the job I have now because I wanted friends. Honestly I got it because I needed the money. You are so strange. We both got the job around the same time. And through all the changes of managers and employees you are still here. And I want to know why. When I got the job all I did was work the front counter just like you. And like everybody else I asked my routine questions to try and get to know people in my own strange and quirky way. But you didn't seem to be like everybody else. You had something that nobody else had shown me, I guess you could call it caring, or kindness. I don't know. You started out by everybody else answering the questions normally until you really noticed that I wasn't answering the questions just deflecting them or shoving them aside and asking another. But you didn't become stubborn like everybody else and refuse to answer. I mean you did, but not for very long. I'm sorry if I beat the will out of you. I seem to do that to everybody. You started to get curious. You got closer than anyone I've ever known. I still don't know why I've let you that close, probably because I'm weak. You were so alluring and sweet you just made me want to give up the mask and the facade and just tell you, but then again, not really. You have a secret way of breaking down my barriers that I put up in the first place. You were so skillful at what you were doing I even relied on you, when I needed someone the most. That was never supposed to happen. And I guess it all did happen because of my weird curiosity of asking personal, deep questions. And really, I'm sorry for that. I'm sorry that I had to just fly off the handle and freak out and i feel like I am just constantly pouring out my soul to you. When I never even realized I was pouring from the pitcher at all. I hate and love working with you and your buddy all at the same time. I hate it because sometimes I feel left out, but then i love it when you include me in your conversation. I hate it when I say something stupid but then I love it when you laugh at my sarcasm or pessimistic-ness.

Bailey was talking about his life and how he is a magnet of bad things happening to him. "Bing, Bing, Bing,"..etc.

And of course I said a quick witty sarcastic remark to that "Does it actually make that sound?" or something relatively to that.
And you just started laughing and you said "I love your comments Alec!" or something like that.

That just made me feel so good. I don't know why, probably because you actually appreciated my sarcasm as being funny or at least amusing rather than straight up rude which is what it normally is.

I don't know, you just have a type of radiating happiness that makes you want to stay around you. Every time I look at the schedule I look to see if I work any shifts with you, even just like a couple hours with you. Because you are my beacon. You seem to have a way with people. You make me curious. You have always said that you just don't have any deepest regrets and I can never wrap my head around that idea. Because I've always had regrets. I carry them around constantly. My deepest regret is in a shoe box in my closet.

You amaze me. You make me want to try and be a better person even though I never will be. You just are awesome. I'm not trying to be poetic or anything like that, I'm just trying to tell the truth. Because everybody should be able to hear the truth. Even if they don't want to. I'm sorry I apologize all the time, for things that don't really matter. I'm sorry I'm really obnoxious and nosy, I'm sorry.
You make me feel so happy, and overjoyed.
You influence my life for the better.
...and I just want to say..
Thank you...
Thank you for being my friend, when I really needed one.

Thank you, I feel like I can never truly re-pay you.

Thanks for everything.

-Alec Hardison

I feel like this needed a title to fit in with all the rest

You asked me how I knew.
I said that's a complicated answer.
but the short answer is:
I can just read people well.

Here's the long version:
I could tell in the way your smile faltered when no one was looking
I saw it in the way you walked down the hallway trying to face the troubles of the day.
I saw it in effort it took to talk to me.
I saw it your eyes, and the sadness there.
I knew it in the way that you ached, but pretended not to.
I knew it in how you carried yourself around
I knew it in how you tried to hide it
I saw it in your hands with your handwriting
I saw it in the way you gave someone a compliment
I don't know how to describe it
I just knew.

I knew, because I can read people.
I know you were trying to hide it from the world but that just made it more obvious to me.

-Alec Hardison

Stranded (the story of the day)

My truck broke down today while I was trying to drive home with my sister. It was having troubles but I just assumed that it would be fine because it's a little gut-less wonder. We are on the overpass of the freeway in the left lane. And it just dies. I try to start it again, and again, and again. And nothing happens, which is never a good sign.
I started to panic.
It's not starting at all and I'm stranded in the middle of the road.
I started to bawl.
I probably sat there in the truck for about 5 minutes just bawling while people are driving around me and honking. I would've moved out of your way if I could've.
Then this lady came up to my passenger side and helped to push our little truck to the right side of the road. I was still crying. I could tell that my crying was making my sister uncomfortable.
I called my both my parents and they couldn't understand me through my sobbing. I had to pull to together to get it out that I was stranded with my sister on the side of the road.
Another man pulled over to the side and comforted me by waiting for my parents to show up before he left. I thanked him graciously because I wasn't sure if I could stand being stranded there all by myself.
After about an hour my parents shows up and we towed my little truck back home.
I've been home for a while I can't stop crying. I know it's just a truck and we could always get a new one....but I don't know...this is mine.
Going to the pond today was great and I thought that today was going to be a good day.
my life was going pretty good, and then this
I guess it's my time bomb again

-Alec Hardison

my space camp

The first thing I thought of when Nelson said 'space camp' was the first time that I went to space camp in elementary school. When I was 9. (coincidentally)

Except this space camp wasn't about learning to be an astronaut or dreams. It was about the future. The future of space technology and fighting aliens. We all got assigned positions and stations and jobs.

I remember my first mission in 5th grade.
I was the captain, which was really strange because I wasn't the person that was ever known. I was the outcast. 'Outcasts aren't supposed to be the captain.' I didn't think that until many years later, because for me, anything could happen.

They led us into the training area where we got our little blue vests and instructions on the mission we were going to do that day. I was so excited. Our mission was something along the lines of 'try to convince these people to do something and protect these people and free the slaves' (I can't exactly remember how it went.)

We were originally supposed to be on the Odyssey but our crew didn't have enough people. So we were assigned the Phoenix. Which was a smaller ship with only 5 crew members.
they sent us through the 'portal' and then we were trained for our positions.

Since I was the captain and this mission was designed to test us I had this little device where somebody could tell me what to do if I needed help or advice. It was my conscience. And this person through the headphones had an Irish accent and would help me and my crew constantly get out of trouble. We did die a few times from spaceship malfunction and engineer malfunctions (like not being able to back out of the space port and blowing up, or not stopping in time and running into an oncoming friendly spaceship. yep as you can see we were experts at this sort of thing.)

I wish I still had a conscience helping me along every step of the way. (one of the rules of having a conscience be your guide was that you could never refer to it as being there. You couldn't say 'my conscience says that we should probably head north and maybe talk to the pirates.' even if you had a conscience telling you what to do you had to refer to those ideas that were popping into your head as your own.)
I guess that that rule still applies today, probably so people don't assume that you are crazy, but perhaps you are. (have I gone mad? I'm afraid so, but let me tell you a secret: all the best people are.-Alice in Wonderland.)


I remember being so frustrated, I wanted to just complete the mission because it really shouldn't have been that hard.
I remember after we ran out of time going back to school and the disappointment in everybody's eyes.
What would I do if I only had a few months to live, that's easy.
I would go back to space camp.
(I'm not sure I understood the prompt. But then again, I do what I want.)

I wasn't really sure where I was going with this at all. Apparently I wanted to jump around a lot.

-Alec Hardison

[title goes here]

Dear you,

I don't know what it is exactly about you and your family, they are just comforting.
You guys are enchanting. Your whole house is quiet and peaceful. No yelling or screaming. You asked me if I liked to play Settlers of Catan. I have to say that is one of the most random questions I have ever been asked before. I only stopped by to lend you a book and in turn you gave me someone to talk to, cookies, you listened and you actually looked like you were interested. Your house seems like a safe haven from my chaotic life, you just make me smile. Your eyes just make me want to stay all night and listen to your stories and talk about life with you. I want to know more about you and your struggles but I'm too much of a coward to ask. You make me want to stay and just talk, and talk, and talk until my throat feels raw and parched. But all good things come to an end. I had to leave, because like always, I have stuff to get done. I should have left earlier but the sensation from standing there made me feel alive. You make me feel nervous, and jumpy, and scared, and feel like I'm going to cry all at the same time. I just don't know how to use these wonderful 26 letters to explain what you make me feel like.
Thanks,
(but I don't deserve it).

-Alec Hardison

Welcome to the Club

Death seems to be at every corner tempting me.
Death tempts me
at the knife block in the kitchen while I'm making a sandwich.
Death tempts me while I'm at the pool or the ocean
at the grocery store.
at the trampoline
in the pantry
on the playground
at the doctor's
in the bathroom
in my room
in my car
next to the treadmill
on the bridge
in the fridge
in my bed.
Death seems to have nothing to do
Death sees how weak I am and knows that I can be tempted.
So he tempts me.
(and I don't know how to get rid of him)