Confessions

Truths are always harder to tell than lies. But lies are easier to say.
I have depression (severe)
I have always secretly wanted to go to be the change (but I guess it's too late now)
My right leg shakes when I'm really nervous or scared
I can't scream (I've tried, nothing works, roller coasters, being scared, scary movies..etc. nothing works)
I see the world differently than everybody else.
I hate my name (Alec!!! Get down here!! You have stuff that needs to be done!)
My real name is _____. (Sometimes I wish I would actually tell the world who i am, the other half of me is wondering why I would ever want to do that)
I have always wished that someone would give me a nickname. (I was once on this soccer team and everybody had a nickname...except for me. I was always just me.)
I hate the sound of my voice (when I listen to my voice i wonder how i still have friends)
My parents think I'm suicidal.
I'm too good at keeping secrets (and i feel like it's slowly crushing me like a huge weight i'm holding above my head)
I have problems letting people into my life
My friend has saved me with her caring (she will never know how much she has partially saved me from the darkness)
I have been drowning in darkness
I hate expectations
I hate being wrong
I wish I knew how to pick locks, be a forger, and be a pickpocket or magician
I am afraid of guillotines (as stated before, it's still true, and irrational)
The idea of drowning freaks me out
when I am at school I feel like I am surrounded by idiots.
stupid people in large groups can do amazing things
I'm terrified that I'm going to have to reveal who I really am at the end of this class.
AP Calculus is so freaking hard
I wish I was one of those amazing blogs that everyone always talks about and gets lots of comments (because I don't know why, I need the comments, I need the validation that i'm writing something at least partially good)
I'm very needy (it's almost pathetic)
College stress just makes me want to curl up into a very small ball in the corner and cry myself to sleep
I wish I was different, but different people never fit in.
I'm kind of sick of signing my name at the end of each blog post.
I wish I could just be myself

I'm sorry for this crappy blog post.