The Ringmaster

You never get a second chance to make a first impression. That's the scary part. I hate to just start something I wish I could just jump right into the middle of writing and skip this whole introduction thing. It's quite intimidating to start to write a post with a huge empty blank, white page. This is the deciding moment where you, the reader of this blog chooses if you like or dislike what I'm writing about. But to tell the truth, this blog isn't about you and it isn't about me (at least not the person that everyone else sees). And I don't care if you like it or not, because it's not your life, it's mine.

This blog is about the real me, behind my mask, behind the wall. Hiding, seeking desperately to get out. This is where I will be releasing the demons inside of me in front of a live audience. I'm the ringmaster and you are the audience. To all the people in the back, I'm sorry that you arrived too late to get good seats. To the people sitting in the front, enjoy the ride. 

That's why I like the whole idea of an anonymous blog. With it I am able to write things that I would never say out loud.  I don't like the whole idea of sharing all my secret thoughts with everyone, but I'm going to deal with it.

 I am shy and generally don't get along with people very well. I'm the listener. People come to me to get their problems off their backs, not realizing that I've got my own problems that will never see the light of day. I am the person who sits alone on multiple occasions, who enjoys peace but hates loneliness. I am the person who makes a whole batch of cookie dough and then eats all of it. I'm the person at the back of the class who everyone ignores and is practically invisible. I am the person who is lost and trying to find themselves in others. I am a drifter, a wanderer. I don't know who I am or where I belong.

A conversation with myself:

"well..I guess it's time to introduce yourself to them."

"who? and why would I do that?"

"Well the readers of course!"

"What readers? People are actually going to read this?"

"Yep, they actually are, but don't worry because remember..it's all anonymous."

"oh..okay..WELCOME TO MY BLOG, Hi my name is Alec Hardison and I'm going to be your guide while you are here. Be safe and enjoy your stay try not to do anything stupid."

-Alec Hardison